We project our fear-based thoughts on other people. And as a matter of fact, this is also the way to do some mind-reading, per say, and figure out what’s going on with the people who seems to always have something negative to say about you.
Let me start with some examples…
When I was a teen, and into my 20’s, I had really bad skin (for those that have been following me for awhile you know that my skin has been my nemesis for a long time due to all my body inflammation showing up there).
So by the time I entered college, I had this huge fear that people were always judging me by my skin. I was obsessed with OTC products to conceal, shrink, or vanquish. And because of this fear and self-disgust, guess what I judged in other people? Yup, their skin.
I was constantly evaluating people’s skin. I projectile mind vomited my skin insecurities on other people. I assumed that if they had acne, they felt the same crappy way I did on the inside, and often treated them as such. Come to find out, though, there are plenty of people out there with bad skin, but are super confident and love themselves anyway.
Let’s say you have a fear of being rejected, and created a story around signs that would signal you are about to be rejected. So any time you now come in contact with someone, you are automatically judging them, evaluating them for these so called “signs”.
The problem with projection is it keeps you rooted in FEAR. It indicates that there is a void within you that needs healing.
Think about the things you judge other people for. Their weight, how they dress, their attitude. And really be honest with yourself. What is it exactly that they are triggering in you? What part of you is rooted in fear, that you need to surround with love and confidence instead? This is where you need to to do the work.
I love reverse-using this concept to understand others as well. I once had a parent of one of my teen “I hear voices” clients tell me that I am incompetent as a therapist because my uses of spirituality conflicts with their strong belief in Christianity, and that I shouldn’t infringe on other peoples religion.
I had a choice. I could either be defensive and start doubting myself as a therapist, or I could translate what she said into her fears that she projected on me. My client’s mom was afraid of that which she did not understand. She did not understand the difference between spirituality and religion. She also had a fear that their own faith could not “fix” her child, regardless of how often she prayed. And if there is doubt in her own faith, then that triggers guilt and a huge insecurity of possibly believing in something that she now questions if it even exists.
Bam! Now I was able to have a REAL conversation with the mom.
Try it. See if you can decipher someone’s projectile mind vomit. And by all means, reflect this week on your own projections.