The text, A Course in Miracles, says that everyone is special, yet no one is special. It took me a bit to wrap my brain around such a simple concept. How can I be special and not special at the same time?
And then there goes the whiny ego voice… What about me? I am special! Who doesn’t want to be special? Don’t tell me I’m not special or I will take… you… down!
We are taught by society at a young age that it is important and valuable to be special. We get it from our parents, hopefully of course, but also from team sports (the winner, high paid athletes, ticket prices), educational institutions (awards ceremonies, degrees), and the media (celebrities, appearances).
Feeling special gives us a good ‘ol self-esteem boost. And in reality, YOU ARE INDEED, SPECIAL. You have unique gifts and talents, unlike anyone else, to share with the world. (And I hope you are doing so!) No one is just like you, so even if you provide the same work-related service as someone else, you do it in your own special way.
But here’s where things go awry and our self-confidence hits the crapper. We take being “special” from a unique/different standpoint and turn it into putting people (and maybe ourselves) on a pedestal. Pretty soon you tell yourself others are MORE special than your are based on their degrees, their personality, their talents, who they know, and how popular or famous they are. And if they are MORE special, that must mean that you are, wait for it… LESS special.
I bet you have done one of the following:
- Made a sibling “better or more accomplished than you” because of his/her job, spouse, relationship with your parents, or driven personality.
- Made a friend more special than you because he/she seems to have it all together and is living the life you want.
- Dreamed of being a singer, actor, or being on TV but told yourself that you are not as talented as so-and-so and could never make it.
- You want what “rich” people have (money, connections with famous/important people), because you will never have to stress about paying bills and believe you will be powerful.
The second you allow yourself to go to one of these places, you have made yourself small, so very small. And the trick to reversing this is to de-specialize everyone, including yourself.
First, do some inner work. Recognize that you are no better than the homeless guy on the street, a single mother on welfare, or a drug-user. You are just of different circumstance. You are in a different place. And have made different choices throughout your life. But this does not make you more special in any way, shape, or form. This is a lesson in humility. Really process this.
Second, take others off their throne. Recognize that your sister, best friend, colleague, celebrities, famous athletes, and “rich people” are just people that have developed and shared their talents throughout the years, have different priorities, or again, are of different circumstance.
I slightly modified this tip from Gabrielle Bernstein’s book Spirit Junkie - A Radical Road to Self-Love and Miracles. Basically, it goes like this:
- Visualize yourself sitting or standing somewhere along with the person you want to “de-special”. Imagine a bright white light surrounding this “special” person.
- If this “special” person is elevated, first float them back to your ground level so they are standing or sitting as you are.
- Slowly, begin to pull some of the white light toward you. It may look like a string or ribbon of light, maybe a funnel. Whatever works for you.
- Keep pulling this light until and equal amount surrounds both of you.
When you are both surrounded with light equally, repeat an affirmation that resonates with you. I use, “I choose to see this person as equal, and the light in their heart is equal to the light in mine.”
Try this next time you are having a case of comparisonitis because you are believing someone to be better than you. See what happens. Pay attention to how your confidence shifts. And let me know how it goes!
And as always, if you need help reconnecting with your spirit, and you are ready to step into your confidence, I can help. Book a free phone consult. Let’s chat!