I have a mentor. I value my mentor because she calls me out on my crap when she sees it. It is beautiful. Now granted, I am in a place where I appreciate this gesture because:
- I truly believe that in order to help people I need to have a good grip on my own issues.
- It is the only way I can really connect with myself, my emotions, and be the person I want to be.
My mentor runs a retreat center with horses. I made a comment about one of the horses, hiding behind his hair, because he has this long scraggly mane that is reminiscent of Cousin Itt. My mentor immediately said, “So… (insert long pause) how do YOU hide behind your hair?”
In a literal sense, she is right. For a long time, I did hide behind my hair because it covered the awful acne that showed up at the start of my healing journey when I ditched the pills and decided to face my train wreck of a body. Many years ago it was purposeful because I didn’t quite know how to emotionally handle the whole gamut. Now, that kind of protective service is no longer needed, so it is just my hair.
But metaphorically, she is also right. I am hiding in a different way. One of my “issues” is surrounding money and how I value myself. I am struggling with transitioning from a fee-per-session based business to a package based business. Years of accepting insurance within an agency really did a number on me. And I am trying to re-wire my brain to set up services that work best for how I want to work with people. I have been hiding under the “I am not worth more” hair for quite some time now.
My mentor told me to get over myself. This cracked me up. It’s true. It sounds harsh but most of the time we make up all these ridiculous stories that surround something and all it does is keep us stuck. My story sounded something like this… Because my previous worth was based on how insurance would reimburse me, I am bound by this forever. Good heavens above, get over it Lore!
Sometimes just having a frank conversation with self is all that is needed.
I also did some Tapping around this:
Round 1 - I tapped on all the negative thoughts running through my head about not being worth my fees, that I am only as good as what insurance companies dictate to me, and that in the service industry you just don’t make money.
Round 2 - I tapped on being open and ready to dumping this limiting belief, that worth is based on value I provide, my training, experience, and skills, and how I work best with my clients.
And finally, some quiet reflection with my journal put me in a much better place. It is safe to pull the hair back a little.
So now I am going to ask you…
How are you hiding behind your hair? What gifts are you holding back from sharing with the world because you are embarrassed or afraid?
I bet it is time to get over it!